when my baby girl falls asleep on my chest after a long, rough day, i remember that this is my version of perfect. i’m reminded to slow down, to breathe slow breaths, to quiet my mind, to enjoy this moment. i’m in no rush to move, enjoying the memories of when she was a part of me, the sound of her breathing forcing me to acknowledge that she is now her own entity. tears rush as i understand the definition of grace. God’s grace brought love together to create miracles, two perfect beings gifted to us, to this world. when i look into their eyes, i see my past, i see my present, i see my future. my whole world rests in their souls. i have found my purpose for being. i was created to nurture these beauties, to love them, to mother them. i am but a vessel, a channel, a conduit through whom God’s blessings and mercy and teaching and love can travel through to mold these girls into women, into heros or conquerors or mothers or artists … and into blessings. i am forever thankful, forever grateful for such blessings… to be able to look down and call them my daughters, to look up, hold my head high, be proud, yet humbly acknowledge them as my teachers. there are no words, not even love, to describe my feelings for them. my heart overflows with gratitude for their existence, for their health, for their love. i am in awe of their magic, their power to change me, to turn me into a mother. somehow this aspect of myself has manifested solely because of their existence. i sure do love my girls, more than i can explain…

simple fun

we had play date at the park today – Joy was all smiles🙂Image
although there was a ton of equipment for her to play on, she was happiest playing in the wood chips and dirt
ya gotta love the simplicity of children


prop 37

regarding proposition 37 — i’m surprised. i guess i had hopes that the american people were smarter. we are so ignorant as a nation that we allow corporation to force feed us information that is not only incorrect but logically makes absolutely no sense. i will continue to buy organic and try to educate others on the dangers of GMOs. i can only hope that one day we will take back control over our own minds and make an effort to do our own research regarding the most basic fundamental right of every person in the world — the right to healthy, affordable food. not only is it unjust, but it is inhumane to force a society to accept GMOs without even the option of knowing what they are and that they are in our food. more than anything else during this political season, i followed the path of prop 37. there were so many companies that worked tirelessly and threw abundant amounts of funds to silence this proposal. please, do your research. if we continue to blindly support these companies, we are sending them a message that we do not have a desire to control our foods. we are telling them that we are mindless drones who are willing to be controlled by whoever has the most money. fight back. stop supporting these companies and teach them that we are american, we are educated and we care about the health and well being of ourselves and our families. it is time for a serious change in our food system. the failling of proposition 37 was simply a wake up call that corporations are still in control. however, we are the majority. we have to come together and let our voices be heard. we don’t have the opportunity yet to vote on this issues on a ballot but we can vote with our words and our paychecks. contact your government. let them know that we deserve better and refuse to accept continued bullying and the continuous effort to pull wool over our eyes regarding our food system. we want clarity so that we can make our own informed decisions. speak with your money. you cast a vote about food everytime you shop at the grocery store and eat from restaurants. please care about your body. it is the only one you have. it is a blessing that it is functioning at the level that it is. don’t disrespect it by treating it like a trash can. what you put into your body is one of the few elements you have complete control over. it is an individual effort. wake up! lets show that we care about ourselves, we are not ignorant and we will not accept less that superb food.

[ smile ]


this kid LOOOOOOVES Gymboree!

so while i followed Joy around Gymboree, i couldn’t help but notice how much she’s grown (physically & mentally) since i first began taking her there at about 6 months old. i can’t believe she grew inside of me from a tiny egg into a functioning being and is now walking and talking and stomping and climbing and jumping and pushing and pulling and clapping and carrying and throwing and laughing and … SMILING. what’s more amazing than a smile? i can’t explain exactly how miraculous this whole journey has been for us but when she smiles i can’t help but to reciprocate her smile … just as large and as genuine. i read somewhere once that babies and mommies can set their heartbeats to match by smiling at each other. i’ve never done an extensive experiment to test that theory but it seems pretty accurate🙂

late update | Christmas and birthdays

well hello. it’s been a very eventful few months for us. life in the our house has been SO busy. First we celebrated Antwuan’s birthday (december 21st), then Christmas, then Joy’s birthday (january 9th), then mine (january 13th). whew, i’m tired just thinking about all of that. although i enjoyed it, i’m happy to have almost a year to take a break before we do it all over again.

for Joy’s first Christmas, we decided to have Christmas breakfast at our house. we felt that it was important to celebrate her first Christmas at home with people who are very important in her life. we basically just ate, talked and watched Joy open her presents. watching her open presents was funny. she was timid about ripping the paper at first. i’m guessing she just didn’t understand what to do. after i showed her how to tear it, it seemed like all of a sudden she remembered that the paper did something to make her angry. she tore the paper apart like a madwoman. it was such a funny sight. she’s so small but she has a surprising amount of power in her tiny arms. she got sidetracked a few times (the paper somehow became a new toy) but i tried to keep her focused. if i would have let her play with every piece of wrapping paper she wanted to play with, we would have literally been there all day waiting for her to open her presents.

we decided not to buy her anything for Christmas. we don’t want to teach her that Christmas is all about getting presents and we don’t won’t to clutter her life [or our houses] with a bunch of stuff that we bought just because it was Christmas. she got way too many presents anyway. some of them are still not out of the packaging. our family went a little overboard with the gifts. lol. seriously, we had to re-arrange our furniture to fit all of her toys in the living room.

in an effort to do things a little differently, i made Joy’s Christmas outfit rather than buying a big fancy dress. she was a snowgirl.




for Joy’s birthday, we had a little party at our house. again, she got way too many presents. we still didn’t buy her anything but i did make her a doll. every little girl should have a handmade doll, right? i think so. anyway, she got her first taste of sugar at her party. we bought her a vegan cupcake and she enjoyed it. she mingled with everyone [which is just beginning to become the norm for her. until a month or two ago she was VERY anti-social]. she only had one small meltdown. the party lasted a little longer than she wanted it too; she really needed a nap. i put her in the ring sling and she was fine. she passed out after everyone left though.



she’s grown so much in just one year. she’s such a sweet and happy baby. she just laughs all day long. she has little laugh attacks when she’s sleepy. she loves to give hugs and kisses. she even hugs and kisses her toys. she shakes her head to say no. she tries to comb & brush her hair. she has 2 teeth now, right in the middle of the bottom of her little mouth. she’s about 18 lbs. she chews when she sees food, loves water and is very attached to her mommy and daddy. she hates getting hair washed but loves baths. she likes to play with other kids but is perfectly content with playing alone … sometimes she prefers to play alone. she loves to dance; she’ll dance to anything remotely similar to music [even if she just hears someone humming]. she grunts a lot and squeals with she’s excited. she’s just a little ball of fun🙂

[ pre ] walking

JOY TOOK FOUR STEPS !!! she just stood up and started moving … she crawled over to me, put her hands on my leg, straightened her legs, then straightened the rest of her body to stand. her widespread legs wobbled, her eyes focused and her teeny tiny little feet carefully planted themselves down on the carpet and lifted back up again 4 entire times.

i’m sure she’s been planning this moment for a few weeks, maybe months now but she didn’t even warn me. i knew the time was coming very soon that she would walk but … i don’t know, i was still shocked. i screamed [and i am not at all a screamer] but there are a few moments in life that warrant over-exaggerated responses, this moment was very worthy.

i’m speechless …

guess it’s time to buy a baby gate :D

AAAAHHHHHHHHH! Joy just climbed up all the stairs!

Joy hasn’t shown much interest in climbing at all. she just recently began climbing over toys or anything in her way but it’s not an often sight. she’s NEVER tried to climb the stairs … not even one. she’s shown some interest in them but she would just look, never climb. well, she decided today was the day to venture upstairs. she was playing in front of the stairs. she stood up holding on to the first step, took a glance at it and just climbed right up like she had years of experience climbing stairs. i was overwhelmed when i saw her climb the first one but i had no idea she would climb all the way to the top. after she climbed the first one, i got behind her to make sure she didn’t fall. she looked back at me, smiled and climbed up one more, then another, and another. she looked back after every 2 or 3 stairs and smiled; she just kept climbing until she reached the top. she just scaled those stairs like she was an expert at it. i was so proud and excited.

we’ve let her be in complete control of her development. we haven’t tried to pressure or even encourage her to take any steps she wasn’t ready to take. it’s so cool just letting her mature and develop at her own pace and realizing how everything comes into place. she’s gradually developing more and more control of her body and understanding what’s going on in the world.

well anyway, we’re going to listen to music and dance and celebrate her coolness [ like we do everyday ]🙂

by the way, she’s got two little teeth. i don’t understand it but somehow those two, inch high little pearly whites make her even cuter. who knew she could possibly get cuter??? she just amazes me with her awesomeness everyday and it doesn’t hurt that she’s the cutest little lovely i’ve ever known.

oh AND she’ll be a whole year young in less than a month. how crazy is that?